My Life’s Greatest Lessons

Knowing there are no mistakes removes the burden from having to strive to make things happen. You learn to let go of frustration, disappointment, anger and anxiety to trust all will be worked out for your greatest good when the time is right. Universal timing affirms there is a rhythm and a cycle to life which is independent of your own timeline. What may seem as a dead-end or roadblock may actually be a blessing in disguise. Not receiving what you want may sometimes allow something greater and more substantial to make its way into your life. The challenge is we are not often privy to the behind-the-scenes details. Frustration and disappointment ensues since we feel that our desires are not manifesting as we had imagined. But timing is everything as you know.

I have witnessed it in my own life, that everything I ever wanted either made its way into my life at a later stage when I was mentally and emotionally in the right place. Concurrently, there were desires which never manifested in the form I believed them to be, since I was resisting, thus blocking the flow of universal intelligence. As I learned to let go of my attachments to outcomes and simply surrender, even greater resources made their way in to my life with effortless abandonment. In this section, I would like you to consider a number of key lessons that will serve you well as you come to appreciate there are no mistakes in life. The following principles are useful guides to consider as you create your remarkable life. As with most things, releasing and surrendering your attachment to outcomes, will yield positive outcomes, since the universe specialises in the mysterious and unexpected. Like watching a pot that never boils, expectations and outcomes also have the capacity to limit your flow of li

I want you to reflect on what has been your greatest life lessons so far. Perhaps it was learning to love, discovering a hidden talent, being independent, not judging others, living in the moment, not taking others for granted or other notable ones. The following points are lessons that have served me well throughout life, yet came at a cost of great inner pain and turmoil at the time. Like most people, I resisted what was happening to me, believing there was a better way each time. Oh how wrong I was to think I knew better. Life, as you know is a great teacher, it gives you the experience before the lesson. Life has become more enjoyable and rewarding over the years as I slowly adopted these principles into my life.

In hindsight, I needed to have those lessons. There are no mistakes in this universe – everything is perfect and unfolds at precisely the right time and place.

Life unfolds as it should, not according to your schedule – Have you ever wished things would happen quicker? You may become impatient believing you are never going to receive your desires. You give up hope of it ever manifesting. Just when you give up, your wish appears miraculously at the right time. Looking back on the theme of my life, this is one of the most powerful lessons I have encountered. I compared myself to others in my youth, believing I was not talented or smart as other the kids. Over time, I developed many talents, which came through sheer determination and tenacity. In many cases, my understanding of concepts and ideas were deep and long lasting, since I took my time in acquiring the experience. In many instances I outperformed other kids whom I earlier compared myself to. Life had taught me to practice infinite patience and the price of valuing my self-worth.

It was not until my early thirties that I began to appreciate and observe this universal principle. Practising daily gratitude, whether through meditation, emotions, journaling or otherwise, allows more of what you value to flow into your life unimpeded. Human behaviour expert Dr John Demartini from the movie The Secret reminds us, “Whatever you don’t appreciate, depreciates.” Therefore I have become grateful for the smallest things, such as loving relationships, my health, the nutritious food I eat, the job I perform and the people in my life. I allow more abundance to flow into my life since I align with positive emotions and energy, which brings forth more of the same frequency. Your emotions are a communicating gateway to the universe – it is an inner acknowledgment of thanks that everything is exactly as it should be. If you were conversing with the Universal Intelligence, the conversation might be something like, “I’m pretty cool with all this great abundance you’re sending me. Thanks, I get it and appreciate it.” Appreciation and gratitude flows from the heart. As a side note, the heart has by far the strongest magnetic field of any organ; it is 5,000 times stronger than the brain’s frequency. The organisation “HeartMath” has conducted numerous studies in this area. Therefore, when you FEEL an expansive positive energy radiating in your heart area, otherwise known as the heart chakra in Eastern traditions, you radiate that goodness into the universe. The FEELING may be akin to the emotion felt when in the company of a loved one or similarly when you are feeling appreciated and loved.

The world is a beautiful and amazing place – Why? Because this should become your point of reference in choosing your outlook on reality. You choose to create any belief or image of the world as you see fit, so why not choose an empowering thought or belief and infuse it with the appropriate energy? It should not matter that tens of millions of people believe otherwise; creating an enriching reality at the level of the mind must become your primary focus if you are to move toward creating a remarkable future. Do not be dissuaded by what reality presents you with, since your present day reality is merely the amalgamation of your past thoughts and beliefs represented in the present moment. You have the power to change your future through directed attention and awareness to the present moment. Listen, I don’t care where you’ve come from or where you’re going. I don’t care if you’ve scaled the highest mountain or swam across the ocean. I want to know about your inner world. How do you paint your picture of life from within? This is what matters. You see, for the enlightened, even disasters and tragedies are a part of the mystery of the universe. They appreciate there is a force and energy within the universe that our limited minds cannot appreciate. The world is beautiful when you suspend your ego, which tries to convince you otherwise. The beauty of life is contained within you and radiated outward, like a fire hose with great pressure – the water has no place to go, but to gush out at high intensity. I want you to regard life in the same manner; with unbridled enthusiasm and passion.

Less serves as more – You may have noticed in your twenties life was dominated by the speed of life, travel, work, play and socialising. It was about how you could travel from one destination to the next in the shortest amount of time in order to commence the next adventure. You may have missed out on the journey, which occurred in-between along the way since your focus was on the future. You may have failed to appreciate the smallest details around you. Many people report an emptiness during this period of the life. As a result depression sets in since they have convinced themselves that life is not all as it is cracked up to be. Nowadays, these same people report a meditative aspect of doing less; yet achieving more. What do I mean by less? Less worry, less anxiety, less work, less effort. Take time to observe nature and you will see the same principle working effortlessly. A tree does not force its way out of the ground to grow. When the conditions are right, it slowly and surely emerges from the soil into a beautiful tree bearing fruit and shade for other animals and people. On a personal note, as I learned to slow down to the rhythm of life, I discovered that I was able to achieve more in my life while doing less. Had I bought into the ideas of mainstream culture, I would have been burnt out, working in a job I hated and in a relationship which did not serve my personal evolution. There is a lot to be said about bucking the trend of travelling fast through life and missing all the great experiences in-between. Go with your heart – it knows best.

Empathy: Can An Emotional Build-Up Stop Someone From Having Empathy?

If one is going through an emotionally challenging time in their life, they may find that they have started to shut down. Their engine will still be running, but it won’t be running on all cylinders, so to speak.

During this time, it is not going to be their intention for this to take place; their primary concern is likely to be for their life to get easier. And through gradually disconnecting from how they feel; it will be possible for them to experience less pain.

An Unconscious Process

Now, while this is something that can take place consciously, it doesn’t mean that this is something that always occurs. There is a strong chance that one is not fully aware of what is taking place.

Their point of focus is likely to be on what is currently taking place in their life and not on what consequences may arise in the future. This is then similar to what would happen if one was extremely hungry; they can eat whatever is available as opposed to what would be good for them.

Offline

Through being in so much pain, it can mean that they are unable to think clearly. In fact, this part of them could be offline and it is then going to be normal for them to overlook the future.

When one takes this approach, it can also be a sign that one doesn’t have a healthy relationship with their emotions. And as a result of this, it stops them from reaching out for the support they need.

Caught Up

But if this is not the case, there is the chance that one has a lot going on in their life and this then stops them from taking the time they need to face how they feel. Perhaps one is not the only one who is going through a tough time and they end up focusing on someone else.

Or one could be in a position where their job takes a lot form them and this stops them from having the time to do anything else. The sheer pace of their career allows them to carry on as if nothing has happened.

Friends and Family

However, even if one does have people around them during this time, it doesn’t mean that they will give them the support they need. They could also have the tendency to deny how they feel, or they could be completely disconnected from their emotions.

As a result of this, they might tell one to stay strong or to simply ‘let go’ of what has taken place, among other things. Through being in this kind of environment, there will be no reason for them to behave differently.

Not a Surprise

If this is the case, it would be easy to say that one is surrounded by the wrong kind of people and at the same time, it could be said that this is a common occurrence. Now, this is not to say that this means that one should overlook who is in their life; what it emphasises is how emotions are typically dealt with in today’s world.

During one’s time in the education system, for instance, they are unlikely to gain a deeper understanding of this part of themselves. So unless their childhood was a time where their emotions were acknowledged and they were shown how to deal with them, it is not going to be a surprise for one to have trouble with them as an adult.

External Support

But if one was to reach out for support as an adult, they could end up going to see their doctor. This could then be a time one will end up being referred to a therapist, but at the same time this might not be the case.

Instead, one could end up being put on antidepressants and this is then going to stop them from gaining a deeper understanding of themselves. Along with this, they won’t be able to develop emotional strength either.

As Time Passes

If one was to take this route, they could end up becoming numb and then as time passes, they could end up feeling even worse. This may allow them to carry on with their life, but it could have a negative effect on their relationships.

Yet even if one doesn’t take this route and just ends up losing touch with how they feel, it doesn’t mean that they won’t end up experiencing other challenges. For one thing, there is the chance that they will end up living on the surface of themselves.

Relationships

And just like ones relationships could be affected if they started taking things, they could also be affected if they end up disconnecting from themselves. When it comes to their surface level relationships, they could be fine; but this might be the case when it comes to the deeper connections they have.

Through being out of touch with how they feel it can then be a challenge for them to tune into other peoples emotional states. So instead of being able to empathise with others, they can end up coming across as cold or indifferent.

Two Outcomes

This can then have a negative effect on their existing relationships and it can stop them from being able to developing new connections with others. The people around them may soon notice that something isn’t right.

Yet although one could end up disconnecting from how they feel in their adult years, this may have also been something that took place during their childhood years. This will then be how they have been for most of their life and the people they spend their time with will be a reflection of what could be described as their ‘false-self’.

Awareness

Their inability to empathise will be way for them to avoid their own pain and until they process what has built-up within them, this is something that is unlikely to change. If one can relate to this and they want their life to change, it might be necessary for them to reach out for assistance.

This can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.

Prolific writer, author and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over nine hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include “A Dialogue With The Heart” and “Communication Made Easy.”

Moving Forward in Life – Tips To Never Give Up

Moving Forward In Life

Life is going to knock you down because winning is not for everyone. Life will throw at you every punch, kick, bite and you either have the option to back down or take the punches.

Life is not your friend, so don’t let it use you.

There is no stopping you. You have to get up from the ground and keep going. That is the only choice you have to succeed in life so badly. Don’t stop, you are not a quitter, you are a person that keeps going, you can’t stop, don’t stop!

You must go on.

The only purpose you should live for is to reach your destination and your most truly desire. If you’re persistent, there will be no one stopping you. Nothing will. You will reach your deepest desire if you don’t stop and look back.

When you hear yourself whining, listen to yourself, that is a sign to keep going; it is crucial for you not to stop. This is your moment to shine and remind yourself that you have a purpose to carry out; a reason to live!

You have to keep your eye on the goal; nothing else matters there shouldn’t be anything to distract you from your desire. If you are sidetracked which must surly come get back on track, remind yourself why you should do what you are doing and keep going.

Keep going, that is the only thing you can do in life. You will not see results immediately, and this may frustrate you, but keep going don’t let anything get in your way.

The only thing you should have in your mind is your desire. Quitting is not for us, do not think about quitting or looking back, keep going, sooner or later you will see what you’re searching and working for.

Going The Extra Step

You have to do the impossible. Those who succeed and reach their desires go the extra step by doing the impossible. You have to become the impossible.

You have to be that person. You are that person. You’re capable of becoming the impossible. Look around you; there are many individuals who have done the impossible, and they’re happy. Become that happy person by transforming yourself into someone whom no one has ever thought you could be.

That is how you will reach success.

Secondly, doing the impossible, is the only way you will distinguish yourself among the rest. In addition, remind yourself that you are not a mediocre. You are the best, want to become the best, and you most of all deserve the best. You have done so much in your life to earn what you deserve. Fight for it; it’s yours. It has your name; now is the time to claim it.

Do what no one has ever done before it’s in you.

The Impossible

I know what you’re thinking, “That’s impossible to do.” Yes no!

The impossible is impossible for them, but not you. You are different; you’re working to be that 1% that changes their life, and you have something to prove and become the best and live better.

What is impossible? Look at the word; it’s you.

Impossible spells “I-M possible”. You are possible.

It is possible for you to reach your closest desires, your dreams, goals, etc. Impossible is I’m-possible of everything. That is you. You are possible.

And you have to believe so much in it that you will be reaching your goal. You have to remind yourself that anytime you feel that something is impossible for you, what you should be telling yourself is I’m possible!

You are possible.

Strong Desire

This is the last point for reaching a peace of mind.

You have to want it so bad. You have to want to spend time every day, every hour, every week and willing to sacrifice the most you can because you believe it’s right for you.

What will get you there is believing that you deserve a better quality of living. You want the best for yourself spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally.

You have to change it.

The Power of “Why”

As I was on break at work the other day, I was scrolling through my Twitter feed when a quote from John Maxwell caught my eye. The quote goes like this, “The person who knows how will always have a job, but the person who knows why will always be the boss.” This got me thinking about how this has worked in my life and in my experience. The more I thought about it the more the message made sense and I want to share that with you here now.

The truth about this quote is that rarely will a manger freely tell someone why something is being done. This keeps the power with the manager, both manager and subordinate know how, but the manager holds the power in the why. There are a few ways to figure out the why, with the first being wait long enough at the job and listen and eventually you might hear or figure out the why. That option might not be enticing to most people, so here is a better plan, simply ask, “Why.” Questions like, “Why do we do this in this particular way” or “Why do we do that and not this,” do many different things for you both as a subordinate looking to advance and even as a manager.

The first things asking why will do for you is show you care about what you are doing. If you only take orders and produce, like the quote states, you will always have a job, but if you want to be more than a worker, asking questions to find out the why is a good place to start. Another thing figuring out the why can do is allow you to think of better or more efficient ways to do something. This is always important for people looking to climb the ladder, because people who bring key ideas to the table are the most valuable. One more thing the why does for you is it begins to shift some of the power to you by means of increasing your personal power.

Another truth, more in general is that Millennials more than any other generation want to know the why. Many people in previous generations were fine with doing what they were told, but in an increasing phenomenon Millennials want to know why they are doing things. This is something I learned from coaches I have worked and talked with who have coached for many years. Increasingly as a coach, you must be prepared to tell them why they are doing something to get the intended results.

The next time you find yourself in one of these situations, no matter which side of the conversation you are on, remember the power of “Why”.

Manage Your Time, Manage Your Energy

Time management is one of the most valuable, yet overlooked, habits we have to make our days more organized, and one that contributes to a day with more energy.

When you’re figuring out how to manage your time, remember to include time for eating and sleeping, meditating and grooming, relaxing and playing, socializing and shopping, working and learning, exercising and deep breathing, and the other things you do with your time. They are all important parts of your day!

One way to manage your time more efficiently is to use a time-management tool (TMT). You can get fancy with apps and online calendars, forms and books designed specifically for managing your day, or even just about making lists. Whatever you choose to use, it isn’t a “honey do” list, it’s a focusing tool. Don’t keep a mental list of what you need to do daily. Write down what’s important so that you free your mind to accomplish your activities. It’s the recording of the to-do items that keep you on track, focused, and being effective with your time and energy. This is one way to avoid forgetting things. It’s worth the bit of extra effort.

Be sure to list the people you need to be in contact with, the things that you absolutely have to get done – anything that’s so important that you can’t go to bed until it is done, and your top projects and some steps you can take to move each project forward. Projects are things you want to accomplish, but which aren’t particularly time sensitive. If you have spare time in your schedule, after accomplishing the items you planned on, you can fill in your day with additional activities to move a project or two forward.

Given our chaotic schedules it’s surprisingly easy to forget even important things. While trying to get everything done, we let those butterflies or glittery objects steal our attention – so we end up multi-tasking, or doing lots of things at one time, badly. Research is showing that multi-tasking is counter-productive, another good reason to focus on one thing at a time.

Focus is the key to getting things done, and done well. And using a TMT helps you get and keep that focus because it helps you to stay purposeful by conquering your distractions. Each decision you make in a day burns your precious stores of glucose, your brain fuel. Multi-tasking, in addition to being inefficient and not being purposeful, consumes and depletes glucose, partially because it requires lots of frequent decisions (multi-tasking is a series of decisions made to change activities).

All that glucose burning increases bad decisions and actions, and leaves you exhausted and depleted. Aha, one clue to your energy problem! When you deplete your glucose supply, your memory is impaired, you lose your self-control and willpower, and your decision making gets bad because you use only one criteria and not the full array of options for making decisions.

One ritual we’ve lost through the years is that of sitting down in the evening to read our mail all at one time. Now we read it erratically, maybe as it comes in. These changes have introduced what I call the “butterfly” or “sparklies” effect – the things that distract us constantly, if we let them. Sending communications is as disruptive as receiving them.

These distractions drain our energy, waste our time, introduce chaos and “noise” to our lives, and generally add to our work load. Each distraction not only wastes time, but also depletes glucose. Each change takes a moment for gear changing. Each change burns glucose. It’s no wonder we have a national energy crisis! It’s no wonder so many people think we are too busy to get everything done in a day they want.

Blocking your time is one proven way to get more done and burn less energy, leaving you more energy and time each day. Sounding good, having more energy and time? This is another aspect of time management: organize your time so you can do like-kind activities in blocks of time. Put enough time blocks together and you are productive and energetic.

Being still too long, whether you are working or vegging, interferes with important bodily functions like breathing and circulation. Consequently, you probably aren’t getting enough oxygen for your two most important organs – your brain and heart. Inadequate oxygen in your brain causes sluggish thinking, poor decisions, and sleepiness.

Here’s your new habit: take a 10-minute break every 50 minutes so you can move around, get a drink of water, and do some deep breathing exercises to rejuvenate your heart and brain. This will get your circulation and energy flowing.

Along with hourly breaks, take an extended break to get food, fresh air, and exercise every four hours. This kind of break may make you feel as if you are wasting time because you think you have way too much to do. Many scientific studies have shown that you work better – accurately and productively – when you are fresh. With more breaks, you feel less exhausted by the end of the day. Bonus! Adopt this habit and you’ll find your energy level getting stronger.

When you take your breaks matters. Several years ago, I took a class that recommended taking 10-minute breaks every 50 minutes. I tried that for a couple of weeks, but felt like that frequency was too short and they were interrupting my creative flow. So I changed them to be 20-minute breaks every two hours with the thought that it all averaged out. By the end of that month I was back to not taking breaks at all through my day.

It occurred to me years later that I just wasn’t being as productive as I had been those first few weeks of the class when I was taking more frequent breaks. Ironically, I was more productive with 10-minute breaks every 50 minutes than I was with 15-minute breaks every 120 minutes, and way more productive than not taking breaks at all. Hindsight is such a wonderful thing! And you get to benefit from my accidental experiment.

Maybe you don’t go to a “regular” job. Maybe you do housework, or have hobbies that fill your time. It is still important to take regular breaks. This information still applies to you.

Is It Selfish to Love Myself?

Is it Selfish to Love Myself?

This question has been confusing for me for a long time, until I finally figured out the answer a few months ago. I felt a great relief and excitement to try out different ways to love myself and enjoy the benefits. My relationship with others has magically improved ever since. So, I’d like to share my findings with you and hopefully this may bring you some value.

The fundamental difference between these two is that being selfish is a result of lacking something internally and not being aware of that. It could be a lack of love, confidence, security or real happiness. People who are selfish have likely not yet accepted what they lack and instead of working on these areas, they unconsciously try to get other people to meet these needs for them. The intention is always on others. Whether it’s about what they can get from others, defending themselves from others or demanding things from others… Even though it may not be pleasant to come across such a situation, but knowing that these people are just trying to get their internal needs met, may provide us with more options to how better react to it.

Self-love happens when someone is AWARE about themselves and FULLY embracing themselves as the way they are. People who love themselves take responsibility and full ownership of their own needs and wants. They know that they are in charge of their needs and they are able to meet these needs by themselves. They set healthy personal boundaries and express what they want and need in a kind manner. The intention is not to “take” from others, but to respect and meet their own needs.

Knowing that, we always need to put on our own oxygen mask first, and then help others. Why is that? Imagine if you feel very tired and need to catch up with sleep, but you’ve made an appointment with your partner for dinner and a movie tonight. What would you do? If you proceed anyway without expressing your tired feeling and the need to sleep, you may not be able to be present during the dinner and movie. You may react emotionally to your partner because you unconsciously sacrificed yourself. Even if nothing goes wrong, would you really enjoy the whole experience? As a result, would you be happy? Would your partner be happy? Now, let’s go back to the oxygen mask question, the reason is when we have met our own needs, it allows us to better help others to meet their needs. Similarly, when we love ourselves, it allows us to better love people around us.

At this point, you may still not be 100% clear on the difference between “love yourself” and “being selfish”. It’s OK. We can try to go deeper and let’s take the last paragraph’s example. You may worry that expressing your feelings and needs may upset your partner, may cause an argument or being judged as selfish. I agree that there are different ways of communicating and with different people it works differently. But keep in mind expressing your feelings and needs doesn’t mean imposing your wants on your partner. It’s about expressing your true-self and seeking for understanding and mutual agreement. It’s important to allow your partner to choose what they want to do to best get their own needs met. In this case, they may choose to just have a simple dinner and postpone the movie. They may choose to let you rest and go to dinner and movie with someone else. They may also choose to postpone the whole plan. Being able to express yourself truly and respect your partner’s choice creates real intimacy for the relationship which can allow you both to better love each other in the future. This does not only apply to loving relationship, but to any kind of relationship. Can you notice how it’s different from being selfish? If your partner is not able to provide understanding and support your primary needs, allow yourself to be with a different partner. This is another topic which we can look into next time.

If you feel you struggle with loving yourself, you can actually find plenty of recourses on the internet, books, videos, podcasts, etc. In fact, self-love is the ultimate goal for all kind of self-development and spiritual works. It’s a well developed area. Here I would like to just introduce two little tips which have helped me in the past.

1, Write a list of things you are good at and things you really appreciate yourself for. It can be as small as “I cook yummy chicken soup.” Or “I draw well.” If you really struggle with this, you can ask your friends to help. Ask them to write down “What do you benefit from being friends with me?” Add the answer to your list. Every day, review the list when you wake up and before you sleep, allow yourself to feel the joy of reading it through.

2, Whenever you don’t know what to do or which decision to make, ask yourself “What would someone who loves themselves do?” accept the answer and act on it. When you ask yourself this question, your intuition will automatically give you the answer, it doesn’t matter how small the decision is. It could be “Should I have an apple or a banana?” Your intuition knows at that particular moment, an apple or a banana would be better for your body.